Colquhoun
Rhodes meets his Scottish Accountant
Emmarentia Linden
She skrewed everyone and everything
Old man Colquhoun
I swehr he porked her on the freezar
18 year old Colquhoun
That was the high point
Colquhoun's Brother
The beast with two backs wa' on the bed
Colquhoun's mothir
Hahd a womin to womin talk
Calquhoun's Little Sister
I think you should go now
Ten minutes later
She wa' gawn
Coloqhuon :
Did Ah ever ever tell yew aboot Emma Linden?
Rhodes :
No, I don't think so.Colquhoun :
She skrewed everyone and everything.Rhodes :
What do you mean?Colquhoun :
Ah wis aboot 18, livin' in Clairemont wi' ma pearants, ma aulder brither, an' ma 16 year sister. Ma maw cam hame wi' her oan a Monday nite. Her name wis Emmarentia Linden, an' they met at a yoga class. She hud brought her tae teach us veegan eatin', startin' wi' Monday denner.Ma fathir tewk an instant liking to her. E'n before dinner theyd stepped into the cellar to lewk for the luhst of the sausages, an ah swehr he porked her rite there on the deep freeza.
Tewsda' mornin she comes into my rewm when everyone had gone ta work and my sister ta school. I was most a vurgun at the start of the day and a sax monster by evnin. Tha wis the hah point.
Wednesday, I tell yah. I'ma exorzted. Ah sleep in. Not so fa her. She sneeks into my brithers bedrewm and soon the beast wi' tew backs is jumping on tha bed.
I hear them and burst in on it. She is on top an' he is holdin' her hips. " Its nowt wha it seems says he. She is teechin me yoga." It sets off a fraterecidal fite that lasts ta this day. E'n my father was supportive, sayin it was pewr form all round.
Ma mum was the ownly one not upset. She sai' it was a good thing for my brother to luran yoga. Emma tak's her upstairs for a women tah woman chat. Noone dares to check up on them
Thursday, I see my muthir and Emma huggin and holdun hands in tha garden.
Fryday all shite breyks loose, my mum catches my 16 year old sista going down on Emma in the bathroom. "I think you had better leave now," says my mothir tearfully.
Ten minutes layter she wa' gon'.
Rhodes :
An ideal woman as ideal women go, and as ideal women go, she went.
Johnny C Rhodes
Johnny C Rhodes, our villainous hero, lives in the newnormal, on the edge of reality and a near future dystopia. Borders are blurred by pschopathic villains, drink, drugs and fast women.
He was born as a response to my revolutionary comrades, who picture Capital
as a monopolist beast run by a cabal of conspirators. Johnny C sits at the head of the table.
The adventures of Johnny C picks its ideas from
facebook and web blogs. Contributions are most welcome as we try to
expose and thwart the exploitations of our Heinous Hero. Readers get
a chance to meet and interact with the Master of 'the Square'.
Many of the characters are composites taken from my experiences, but
you should at all times bear in mind that this story is merely a figment
of imagination and no slander on real people is inferred or implied.
If you see yourself and feel that you can correct the dystopia,
feel free to email Philip Copeman a contribution.
This is, after all, merely - fiction.
A caution for sensitive readers - the fictional nature is not always
obvious - at times reality bends just a little and thenewnormal emerges
as a genre which preys apon the fake news and conspiracy theory
industry. A worm hole to the nineteenth century history of South
Africa.
Enough of the small talk. Without further ado, let me introduce you to
our Protagonist – Johnny C.
Johnny Cecil Rhodes is the great nephew, twice removed, of the
nineteenth century diamond magnate of similar name and Johnny is the
sole trustee to the diamond fortunes. It is little known that he is one of
the richest men in the world, even though he has never worked a day in
his life. He lives with Innocent, his Zimbabwean chauffeur, at
Genadendal. This arrangement comes courtesy of The Rhodes Trust
agreement that gave ”usufruct” on the main house to South Africa's
sitting Prime Minister, but reserved the cottage for Rhodes'.